Confession: I Don't Dust
As I was cleaning up dinner last night, I looked into the family room to see this:
That would be dust on our TV, thick enough to draw in.
Now you all know the truth. I don't dust. My house isn't perpetually presentable.
Why admit that I don't keep a perfect house? Because I think it's important to keep things real. It's important to me not to pretend to be something I'm not. And I fear that our normal "Quick let's clean up before company arrives" approach to life might give a false impression (unless you are these friends) about what we as a family are really like. Now you all know the truth. I don't dust. My house isn't perpetually presentable.
So, I'm taking the mask off today. I struggle to manage the paper that pours into this house from the kids's schools (hence my piles). I throw school lunches together at the last second, as the bus is pulling up to the bus stop. And most days, I pick my way through a house strewn with the toys, clothes (the 2-year-old has figured out how to remove his clothes so I find random articles of clothing everywhere), and bits of the kids' art projects.
What really happens before company comes over is that we race around, hiding clutter and vacuuming and scrubbing. I have a great cleaner-upper for a husband, and he can make our house look immaculate in the space of an hour. (Just don't open any closet or cabinet doors.) We do this because it's a way to serve our guests and because we want them to feel special. Not because we are trying to show off how awesome we are.
The real me, the every day me, has given up the standard of having a perfect house all the time. Cleaning and organizing is good and necessary, but I stop being a pleasant person when I try to meet the Martha Stewart standard and insist that our house not only become but remain magazine-perfect. The house might look great, but the atmosphere becomes toxic.
I've realized that creating a beautiful home goes far beyond neatness and cleanness. My demeanor is crucial. Our home is beautiful when I expect my children to be children, when I only take on what is truly important, when I can keep a smile on my face and love in my tone of voice even when the kids bicker or demand my attention incessantly or clog the toilet by unrolling and flushing (or attempting to flush) an entire roll of toilet paper into it or feed pieces of the Mousetrap game to the dog or throw all their toys down the stairs to watch them bounce.
I've also realized that hospitality is an attitude, not a style or a standard of perfection. It's trying to put people at ease and make them feel welcome, whether I am serving a four-course meal on fine china or water and some popcorn on paper products. It's being willing to welcome people into my life no matter what because my focus is on on them, not on myself or my image.
All of this has caused me to consider whether we should more often just invite friends into our real life. Let people see the real state of things, or at least something closer. After all, we DO have three young children!
Feel free to test me on this. Please drop by for a visit if you are ever in the area. We love company. Just watch out for the Hot Wheels cars on your way in. The kids like to race them in the foyer.
What do you think? Is this an issue for you? What do you do about it?
13 comments:
Neither do I. I do a frantic clean up before people come over because I want to avoid injuries.
My uncleaners like to help too much.
I can't keep up with the paperwork from school, the EOl's that I need to read, regular bills, projects from school. One of the bad things about a SN child is the amount of paperwork they generate from school, from insurance, from treatment.
We'll be in the area on 1/4 and would love to stop over, Mousetrap games and all.
Great! We'd love to see you! You're one family who actually does just drop by, and I love it. (See people, I'm serious!)
I am totally with you here! I like to keep my house semi-clean, but there is always stuff lying around. I tend to get really immersed in projects too so I leave everything out until I'm done (why put it away just to get it back out again the next day). If you stopped by today (and you are welcome to) you would find me in my PJs (now that is unusual... See More) engulfed in a sea of tissue paper, tape and gift wrap. Our house definitely has a lived-in look!
About the lunches - I despise making sandwiches so I came up with a great solution there. I make an entire loaf of bread into PB&J and then put them in sandwich bags and then throw them in the freezer. I just have to pop one out and throw it in Sierra's lunch bag. I have a Pampered Chef Cut 'N Seal which makes them like uncrustables so they freeze a little better that way.
BTW, the FedEx guy just delivered some packages while I was writing this. Now I am a little embarrassed to be in my PJs, but oh well!
I am all about being real. I do clean when company comes, but mostly because I need to clean sometime and that is a good excuse. I am happy when people drop by unexpectedly and they get to see how we really live. :)
You may not realize this, but dust is drawn to the old fashioned TV screens by electrostatic attraction. You cannot win this one. It'll show dust long before it appears anywhere else.
Ah, but the new flat screens are a different matter. Oops! Did I just make an excuse to go buy one of them?
We all heard it, Dad mentioned replacing the TV!!!!
I think you are right about serving others by cleaning up, but balance needs to be there. I have really neat closets, but I tend to pile on any horizontal surface (I'm sure you're surprised by this!). I am unwilling to clutter what is already clean with "piles of indecision" or my latest project. On the other hand, it's nice if guests have a place ... See Moreto sit that isn't covered in that laundry waiting to be folded. But, if people have dishes in the sink and toys out, that's just reality. We are trying to practice greater hospitality, and it's a real challenge. Some of it is schedule--Darrin works weird days and times. Some of it is just being willing to do the extra work or let people see my house even though I know they really do place their house cleaning at the top of their list. I am working my way through A Woman of Hospitality by Dee Brestin. Very challenging. Distinguishes very well between entertaining and Biblical hospitality. I also love the books Women Who Do Too Much and Children Who Do Too Little by Patricia Sprinkle. The book for women is challenging for me since I am not a "dreamer" with big plans. I just like my downtime and tend to take the rest as it comes.
Another thing that is very necessary for us is to constantly simplify--we don't have a basement or a garage, so we have to keep stuff in check. We are still working on this, but we're getting better. We just had a family of six staying here for a long weekend, and we decided to put all the toys with small pieces (except blocks) away so that we didn't have to spend the whole weekend cleaning up or stepping on them or yelling at the kids to clean it up. Made life easier.
I also think it takes a long time for some of us to find our organizational style--what's logical to me is not logical to someone else. For example, alphabetizing means nothing to me; my brain doesn't think it's useful for anything but indexing, catalogs, or library books, but some people alphabetize everything from spices to movies.
Joy, your blog prompted me to run around my house and take pictures of how we truly live. This way, when my kids are grown and moved out and the house stays perpetually neat (albeit dusty), I'll remember what it was like when the little people lived here. :-)
Great ideas, everyone. I really like the pre-made PBJ and taking photos of our house now so I can remember later.
I need to do a lot better about going through and purging our toys. I used to rotate them and I got out of the habit after we moved a few years back. It would be much simpler to clean up if we had fewer things to get out in the first place!
Thank you for this,. It is such a reminder to us all of what is really important. My house is always a mess too and like you said, I rush when people are coming over and it is not always a pretty sight.:) You ought to come over and see the smooshed blueberry pancakes on my floor. LOL!
This is a CONSTANT struggle for me too and being a mom of three kids,( one who is a nursing infant) it is impossible to keep things clean for more than one minute. I need time to relax and then when I do relax, things get messier and beyond a quick clean up. So I have to let it go for a while. I need my sanity. I get cranky if I am constantly cleaning too. I thought as my kids got older, they would be cleaner, but they just make MORE messes!
I rarely dust. It just rarely gets to the top of my "to do" list. Some how or other we all have to relax enough about the condition of our home before we have people in. There is a balance of course. It is okay to do some clean up - like the dirty dishes stacked at the sink from the day before and not even rinsed, but how many people look closely at your baseboards when they come? And if they do, they are the one with the problem.
Love,
Mom
Joy-
The reason I can stop over cause I'm in the neighborhood is because I remember the very first time I stopped over univited and unannounced.
I had shockingly just discovered I was pregnant with my 3rd. I had no home and no money. No job and Bob's job was not ideal.
I can remember absolutely nothing about how you looked nor the condition of your house. (I do remember my Ellie and Little Girl playing together, wow how little they were). Nor did I care at that moment.
I do remember saying "what am I going to do?" and you saying "Congratulations!" and then "have a baby". I remember simply that you were my friend that day and touched my heart when I so desperately needed it. You showed love that day.
And that is the meaning of hospitality.
Kristin, you said exactly what I've been trying to say. And I'm so glad that the day you needed a friend, you found one.
I'm sure all of us would love to have cleaner houses, but the truth is that motherhood requires us to choose caring for children over a lot of things, including a perfect house.
What I've been trying to say is that instead of hiding our imperfection behind closed doors, we need to let our friends and neighbors into our lives. True hospitality and true love of others responds to their needs. Even when it means they see our dirty or unfolded laundry, dishes in the sink, and toys from stem to stern.
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